A Sad Miss...
Some of you have dropped comments on my previous post, as well as some private MSN messages to me, and I thank you all for having such kind hearts and giving me the strength which I needed at that time. I apologise for not responding to your comments/messages as well, as I needed some time to do some quiet thinking on my own. I'm ready to share with you the happenings of my sudden disappearance. This is my story...
I was pregnant.
Yes, the more accurate term here would be "I was pregnant". I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Of course we were both excited and delighted, like any normal married couple would be. I went for a ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed. I was scheduled for another appointment in 2 weeks time, hopefully, we would be able to see the developing embryo and hear its heart beat.
We were both very happy. The thought of being new parents was daunting to us, yet exciting. Our families were informed of the good news and everyone was excited for us.
We went back again in 2 weeks time, but there was no imagery of the embryo nor heart beat yet. Our doctor had her suspicion, but we were still hopeful as it was still too early to tell. We were scheduled to come back again for another scan in another 2 weeks.
At 8 weeks, it was confirmed. I have had what the medical people called... a "missed abortion". There was no foetal imagery, an absence of a heart beat, and the sac was collapsing, detaching itself from the uterus wall. I had no symptoms, no spotting, nothing. The embryo had stopped developing.
The news was devastating. I didn't know how to react. My doctor scheduled me for a Dilation & Curettage (D&C) in a few days time. She explained briefly to us what the surgery is about. I asked what would happen if I didn't go through the surgery, and she explained that I might experience heavy bleeding and pain, and her concern was the she didn't know how long it would take for my body to expel the tissues, and if it did, the tissues may not be properly expelled and could cause infection if left untreated. We went home with a heavy heart, wishing this didn't happen.
I broke down at home. Hubby was holding on to me, supporting me and telling me he's gonna be right here for me always. I wanted to be away from everyone and everything. I wanted to be alone. I told a close colleague I'm going to be on EL (emergency leave) for the entire week, I also posted a short note on my blog that I wouldn't be updating it, and that I won't be responding to any phone calls, emails and messages. I felt that we have lost a hope... And we did.
The weekend that came along was a little difficult. I wasn't ready to tell anyone what we were going through, and I had planned to only talk about it after I've been through the D&C. Some friends (who were unaware, and I don't blame them) were asking me about my pregnancy updates. I apologise to you guys, for I had to tell you a white lie. I wasn't prepared yet to share with you the real situation. I needed time.
Come Monday morning, I checked myself into the hospital, under Day Care. Hubby was with me the whole time, supporting me and giving me the assurance everything's going to fine and that a long as we have each other, we'll make it. I wasn't scared of the procedure. I've come to accept the situation by then. I was put under general anaesthesia. The surgery was quick and painless.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I told hubby I wanted to drop by the nearby Buddhist temple. I wanted to say a silent prayer. So we took a drive to the temple and spent a few quiet moments there. I felt that, although the little fella didn't make it, it was a living cell inside me, even though it was for a short while. We said our prayers, took a moment of serenity, and went home.
We've both come to terms with the loss. Yes it was painful, because it was something we were both looking forward to. Alas, it was not meant to be, at least for the first try. Perhaps it's nature's way of saying, this one won't be able to make it and in it's best interest, to stop the development (even until now, I still hoped that it was a perfect one). I've heard of cases where miscarriages happen during the 2nd and 3rd trimester, and those are even more heart breaking and traumatising. It's a complete myth if people tell you you can't miscarriage in your 2nd or 3rd tri (if you hear such things, bitch slap them).
The fact that I can talk and write about this goes to show I'm doing ok. I'm taking it one day at a time now, because I do need time to heal (physically and emotionally) and to grief as well. Oli's not such a weakling you know, hehe! Yes I will feel sad sometimes, but I have a loving husband with me and he's my pillar of strength now and always. It's too early to talk about trying for another baby now, but we will try again eventually.
And if you're wondering what's the cause of this "missed abortion", there is no exact cause. It's a very very complicating process, and things can go wrong sometimes. A "missed abortion" has nothing to do with whatever taboos or the parents' genes (unless the parents themselves have genetic issues. We're both perfectly healthy people btw) and happens by chance. Chromosomal abnormalities also can arise during any development stage of the embryo/foetus, in which case, can cause complications.
I really don't want to hear people telling me "Oh, so "charm" (pitiful), lost your baby." Such words only anger me more, because it shows the insensitivity of that person pretending to understand what I'm (we're) going through. Words like "I know how you feel" doesn't help, because unless you've been through the same situation, you will never truly know what it feels like. Some may say it's only 8 weeks, you'll get over it. It's not how pregnant I was, it's the pregnancy itself. Have some empathy. Yes it's a loss, but the last we want to hear are words that only makes us (read: make me) feel worse. Give us (me) time to grief, we'll (I'll) be alright (actually I'm feeling a lot better now, after my 1 week medical leave).
We're both supporting each other and we'll make it through :) We believe that as long as we have each other, we can weather through any situation. To some of our close friends whom we had informed about the happening, we thank you for rallying behind us and giving us your support. Thank you for your kind words and understanding.
Oli's back~~~! V^_^V
Some of you have dropped comments on my previous post, as well as some private MSN messages to me, and I thank you all for having such kind hearts and giving me the strength which I needed at that time. I apologise for not responding to your comments/messages as well, as I needed some time to do some quiet thinking on my own. I'm ready to share with you the happenings of my sudden disappearance. This is my story...
I was pregnant.
Yes, the more accurate term here would be "I was pregnant". I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Of course we were both excited and delighted, like any normal married couple would be. I went for a ultrasound appointment and it was confirmed. I was scheduled for another appointment in 2 weeks time, hopefully, we would be able to see the developing embryo and hear its heart beat.
We were both very happy. The thought of being new parents was daunting to us, yet exciting. Our families were informed of the good news and everyone was excited for us.
We went back again in 2 weeks time, but there was no imagery of the embryo nor heart beat yet. Our doctor had her suspicion, but we were still hopeful as it was still too early to tell. We were scheduled to come back again for another scan in another 2 weeks.
At 8 weeks, it was confirmed. I have had what the medical people called... a "missed abortion". There was no foetal imagery, an absence of a heart beat, and the sac was collapsing, detaching itself from the uterus wall. I had no symptoms, no spotting, nothing. The embryo had stopped developing.
A missed abortion is when the embryo or fetus has died, but a miscarriage has not yet occurred. It is also referred to as delayed miscarriage. - Taken from Wikipedia
The news was devastating. I didn't know how to react. My doctor scheduled me for a Dilation & Curettage (D&C) in a few days time. She explained briefly to us what the surgery is about. I asked what would happen if I didn't go through the surgery, and she explained that I might experience heavy bleeding and pain, and her concern was the she didn't know how long it would take for my body to expel the tissues, and if it did, the tissues may not be properly expelled and could cause infection if left untreated. We went home with a heavy heart, wishing this didn't happen.
I broke down at home. Hubby was holding on to me, supporting me and telling me he's gonna be right here for me always. I wanted to be away from everyone and everything. I wanted to be alone. I told a close colleague I'm going to be on EL (emergency leave) for the entire week, I also posted a short note on my blog that I wouldn't be updating it, and that I won't be responding to any phone calls, emails and messages. I felt that we have lost a hope... And we did.
The weekend that came along was a little difficult. I wasn't ready to tell anyone what we were going through, and I had planned to only talk about it after I've been through the D&C. Some friends (who were unaware, and I don't blame them) were asking me about my pregnancy updates. I apologise to you guys, for I had to tell you a white lie. I wasn't prepared yet to share with you the real situation. I needed time.
Come Monday morning, I checked myself into the hospital, under Day Care. Hubby was with me the whole time, supporting me and giving me the assurance everything's going to fine and that a long as we have each other, we'll make it. I wasn't scared of the procedure. I've come to accept the situation by then. I was put under general anaesthesia. The surgery was quick and painless.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I told hubby I wanted to drop by the nearby Buddhist temple. I wanted to say a silent prayer. So we took a drive to the temple and spent a few quiet moments there. I felt that, although the little fella didn't make it, it was a living cell inside me, even though it was for a short while. We said our prayers, took a moment of serenity, and went home.
We've both come to terms with the loss. Yes it was painful, because it was something we were both looking forward to. Alas, it was not meant to be, at least for the first try. Perhaps it's nature's way of saying, this one won't be able to make it and in it's best interest, to stop the development (even until now, I still hoped that it was a perfect one). I've heard of cases where miscarriages happen during the 2nd and 3rd trimester, and those are even more heart breaking and traumatising. It's a complete myth if people tell you you can't miscarriage in your 2nd or 3rd tri (if you hear such things, bitch slap them).
The fact that I can talk and write about this goes to show I'm doing ok. I'm taking it one day at a time now, because I do need time to heal (physically and emotionally) and to grief as well. Oli's not such a weakling you know, hehe! Yes I will feel sad sometimes, but I have a loving husband with me and he's my pillar of strength now and always. It's too early to talk about trying for another baby now, but we will try again eventually.
And if you're wondering what's the cause of this "missed abortion", there is no exact cause. It's a very very complicating process, and things can go wrong sometimes. A "missed abortion" has nothing to do with whatever taboos or the parents' genes (unless the parents themselves have genetic issues. We're both perfectly healthy people btw) and happens by chance. Chromosomal abnormalities also can arise during any development stage of the embryo/foetus, in which case, can cause complications.
I really don't want to hear people telling me "Oh, so "charm" (pitiful), lost your baby." Such words only anger me more, because it shows the insensitivity of that person pretending to understand what I'm (we're) going through. Words like "I know how you feel" doesn't help, because unless you've been through the same situation, you will never truly know what it feels like. Some may say it's only 8 weeks, you'll get over it. It's not how pregnant I was, it's the pregnancy itself. Have some empathy. Yes it's a loss, but the last we want to hear are words that only makes us (read: make me) feel worse. Give us (me) time to grief, we'll (I'll) be alright (actually I'm feeling a lot better now, after my 1 week medical leave).
We're both supporting each other and we'll make it through :) We believe that as long as we have each other, we can weather through any situation. To some of our close friends whom we had informed about the happening, we thank you for rallying behind us and giving us your support. Thank you for your kind words and understanding.
Oli's back~~~! V^_^V
Posts
