Monday, May 21, 2012

Seeking For An Awakening - Part 2

For the past 2 weeks, I feel a sense of uplifting and calmness. I've been feeling a whole lot better about myself. I can't really explain it, it's just something good you know.

I no longer feel that sense of strong responsibility, that I have to constantly live up to expectations of everyone around me. I now know that I am not required to constantly be at everyone's whim and fancy, expected to always have everything in hand for everyone. I was such a result oriented person in the past, that for whatever steps I took, I had already expected an outcome which I wanted. And that had often times led to some disappointing situations.

I have come to realize that life is not all about the competition. And that I shouldn't be so hard on myself anymore. I have been doing my best all this while, so while sometimes things will work out, others may not work out as well as I had hoped for. I have come to realize I should not be beating myself up when things don't work out the way I had intended, because that's how life is. You win some, you lose some.

I have also learnt that no matter how cautious or prepared you are, there will be folks out there who can't wait to give your their criticism and comments, just waiting for the chance to say something. These folks have come to expect that I provide everything, and have answers to everything, even if it's really not part of my responsibility nor obligation, it's just that I've always provided because I felt I had to. And they have realized that, hey... Oli will follow up and handle it, Oli will follow up and handle that. She's always the one there, no sweat! Oli has things covered!

Well folks, that Oli has come and gone. I know what I have to do, and I know what I will let slide. As long as I have done my best, no one can fault me on anything. If you wanna fault at me, go right ahead, cos I can't please everyone every single time. I'm not going to question why some people act like so, because that's just the way they are, and I have to except them. They whine they groan they complain, go ahead lah, tak larat nak cari gaduh dah.

I'm gonna be pleasing myself first and foremost. You will just have to take the back seat, and wait.