Tuesday, September 18, 2012

My Safe Harbour

There are times my old destructive self would make her presence felt, and come back to wrestle control over my mental and emotional state. Over the last few weeks, had been most stressful for me.

Back in the early years, I was a very negative a bitter girl. Just about everything pissed me off. I was a destructive force, believing that nothing good would ever come into my life. Whenever competing bad happened, I was somehow convinced, it was related to me.

My parents have always felt I was the weak one in the family. I grew up believing (convinced) that I was weak. And I constantly would find fault with myself, and sometimes, I still do.

All that changed when I met you. You saw the most destructive part of me, yet you chose to remain by my side. You knew you could change me, change my thought process, change my life. Despite the number of times I may have brushed your good intentions aside and was rude to you, you didn't give up on me when I wanted to give up on myself.

Over the years, I have matured and controlled that destructive side of me. However, there has been occasions that ugly side of me resurfaced, and punctures my well being. The last few weeks were one of the many episodes. I was very angry and hurt. I hated the world, and I dont know what to believe and have hope in anymore. My eyes were filled with tears, my heart was crying out. I drifted apart from you.

But you never left my side. You gave me the space I so needed. You gave me the room to cry my heart out. I needed to cry it out, for I was in the realms of pain and mental torture once more. But you never gave up on me.

You gave me a strong hug, and begged me to come back to you. For I had drifted away from you, and that I must sail back to your arms. Sail back to your safe arms. You said to me that no matter what happens, you will always be my safe harbour, and said to me that if I ever feel lost, you will guide me back with your light, back to your safe harbour.