Friday, April 5, 2013

Love Thyself

It's been close to seven months now since the incident. Having been through the ups and downs and the emotional roller coaster ride, the psychological trauma, what seemed like a physical punishment at that point of time, slipping into a depressing state, reaching out and getting help to get out of the depressing state, to starting a new job in the new year as part of the healing process... I still get days when I feel crappy about myself.

And today was one of those days.

There are days when I feel no matter how much effort I've put into things, no matter how hard I've tried, things are not going to work out. Sometimes I really question every single effort and contribution I've made, questioning the significance of things. There are days I feel so low about myself, wishing the world would just gobble me up whole. And when I do have such days, I just allow myself to have a good cry, and let the feeling runs its course. I'm not going to fight that feeling anymore, preferring to just let it run its course until it hits the final line, and then all is well again.

Most will never know nor understand the psychological effect the incident had on me over the last few months. Spending the last few months of 2012 in a lot of emotional and mental agony isn't something I want to go through ever again. I've been spending some time to love myself again, to tell myself that I'm still worth every bit of good I'm doing, and reminding to always treat myself well.

It's having these quiet moment to myself that gives me the chance to look around me, to be aware of my surroundings, and to find comfort in things that are familiar to me. Things may not have worked out well initially, but all is not lost. I just need to remind myself time and again, to love thyself.

You would have been due this week.
You would have been four this year.
You would have been four and a half this year.


I always think that we all experience those days once in a while.

"What if that incident didn't happen?"

I find myself thinking about things that I wished didn't happen once a while, but I always remind myself that I am happy where I am now. And of course, I believe that things happen for a reason -- and that is to prepare me for greater things in the future.

*big hugs*