Thursday, March 6, 2014

Silent Retreat

Ever had this under-appreciated fleeting feeling before? One where you feel no matter how hard you try, how much effort you've put in, the labour (or non-labour) intense hours, the cracking of grey matter, the planning, the coordinating, the scheduling... at the end of the day only to have someone tell it to your face that it's all been nothing?

I had that one sentence thrown smack to my face yesterday, and it did not feel good at all. My problem is also when I am upset, I can't really hide my facial expression. You can see it straight up on my face, my eyes especially, that I am upset. You won't be able to tell if I am upset with you or at you, but you can tell I am upset. And after a while when I gained control, I will hide that upset feeling, bury it deep inside first, and only let it out later, much later.

And when I have days like that, I tend to pull myself into a smaller world, a world where I prefer to be by my lonesome. I will retreat, take several steps back, and recluse for a while. I will retreat back into my little comfort cave, and disconnect from the rest of the world for a while, only speaking to those whom I want to speak to.

And it's days like that I choose not to have a care in the world, and only do what I want to do. What makes me happy. After all, the big things in life keep you busy, it's the small things in life that keep you happy.