Monday, August 18, 2014

Roller Coaster Rides

Image from Google.
The past few months has been a particular difficult emotional roller coaster ride for me. Every single social media platform I'm in, I see images. I get reminders. I get messages. It's like people are screaming at me, pushing me, reminding me.

Memories come flooding back like a gush of water broken from a dam. The emotions slams into me so hard I cannot fight back, pushing me up against the wall and slamming me wave after wave right into my face. I'm helpless. I cry. I weep.

It may sound silly for some, but it's real for me. I may have healed, picked up the pieces to put them back together. But no matter how I try, some pieces no longer fit perfectly, and the cracks will always be visible. Some pieces will slip through the cracks, and I will have an emotional breakdown for a while, and retreat to my quiet cave for some silent moments.

The cracks are what make me who I am today. I have been broken, the heart has been shattered a few times. I've managed to lift my spirits by finding other means to keep moving forward. Between the fear, the sadness, the uncertainty and anxiety, I live with happiness, contentment, joy, optimism, hope and excitement with those around me.

Do I still have faith? On good days I have, on bad days not so much.