Thursday, May 28, 2015

Depression Is Real - RIP Madison Holleran

I came across this line while reading an article this morning, and it rang a huge bell in my head, that this statement carries so much truth in it.

Everyone presents an edited version of life on social media. People share moments that reflect an ideal life, an ideal self.
If the article is too long for you to read, I'll give you a quick summary. Madison is a very pretty college student, who seems to have everything running smoothly in her life. Her struggles in college began to show via her photos and interaction with her family. Despite the pictures she shared on social media, Madison is going through a tough time fitting in, trying to find her place in college and society. Things got so overwhelming, and at 19 years old, she jumped from the 9th floor of a parking garage in downtown Philadelphia.

Madison's last Instagram photo, posted an hour before she took her own life.
I can fully comprehend the struggles Madison was going through. When a person is suffering from depression, everything seems to be in 50 shades of grey (and I don't mean that damn book). You have so much pent up frustration and fear, that when you want to bring it out, and nobody seems to be able to understand you.

People start judging you when you try to pour your fears out. They might say things like "You're thinking too much.", or "You'll get over it."

Depression is not something you switch on and off. To some, depression may seem like a form of mental disorder. I see depression as an overwhelming feeling of sadness and helplessness that could drive a person suffering from it, down a vortex of dark despair. And because people with depression fear being judged by the world, most will mask their sadness and despair with happy faces and pictures. Until everything is too late.

I took about 8-9 months to fully get myself out of depression, which I slipped into after my third miscarriage back in 2012. I spiraled down the ugly vortex of hopelessness, of blame and pain. Many ugly words were said to me (which didn't help the situation at all), and all I felt was, I wanted to die. The turning point came when my mind started having fleeting thoughts about suicide. The thoughts shook me, made me jump out of my skin. I didn't think I would ever have the words suicide cross my mind. I had always thought people who commit suicide were selfish people, leaving their loved ones behind to deal with the pain and sadness. I stand corrected.

Things have improved a lot since I stepped out from the deep hole, I'm feeling a lot better about myself and of my life. I do hope the world and society will take more heed into looking at symptoms of depression in a person, it's not about pumping a patient with anti-depressants (they don't work shit). Depression is real, and with the world going more topsy turvy, we can expect to see a lot more cases in the near future.